Responding to Pat Robertson

This "letter" is making the rounds again at an appropriate time.
Gary

The following was a comment submitted on AOL. It was a response to an on
line news article about Pat Robertson calling on the faithful to pray for the
early retirement of the three "liberal chief justices after the court had
just struck down an anti-sodomy law. I found the suggestion about Canadians
(d.)
especially useful.

Dear Bible Thumpers,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law.I have
learned a great deal and I try to share that knowledge with as many people
as I
can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I
simply remind him that Leviticus 1822 clearly states it to be an
abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific
laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 19). The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
217. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 1519-24). The problem is, how do I
tell? I
have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 2544 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 352
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination
(Lev 1110), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this?

g) Lev 2120 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision
have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 1927.
How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 116-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 1919 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 2410-16) Couldn't we just
burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep
with
their in-laws? (Lev. 2014)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you
can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

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